No more driving - time to hang up the keys

How do you, as the adult child, tell one of your parents that you believe one or both of them should not drive any more? Fortunately (use this term for a lack of a better one), Dad had given up driving on his own after his stroke. I really do not remember exactly how it came about. I believe it was a natural event. My mom just automatically began driving them around so Dad did not have to. There really was no way that he would have been able to drive as he was weakened (after the stroke) and his reactions were too slow.

After Mom's stroke, I (and the rest of the family were...) was concerned about her driving so I requested (NOTE: I was really INSISTING but was sensitive enough to not make it sound that way. I chose my words carefully. Used words like "wouldn't it make YOU feel more at ease to have a professional access your driving ability".) she take a driving test with a professional. Much to my surprised she was cleared for driving. Okay, so be it. I had to trust that she would be okay.

For awhile this was true but then it happened. Mom had two accidents within a month of each other. Although neither accident was serious (in that no one was seriously hurt) the second one did leave her car as a total loss.

In a way having the car a loss made the talk I had to have with Mom easier. Well, it was still not easy. I had to let my mother (who had been strong and independent for so many years) know that I believed it was in her best interest to no longer drive. I did not want her to feel like she was being punished so I explained to her the reasoning behind my belief.

I relied on her emotions and sensibility. I stated the obvious, that she had had two accidents within a short period of time and although we believed the second one was really not her fault she was charged. I asked her how would she feel if she and Dad were in the car and one of both of them got hurt or worse. I asked her how she would feel if she caused someone else's injuries or death. I SUGGESTED to her that it would be in their best interest if she no longer drove and assured her that I (or someone else) would be available to take them to appointments, to the grocery store, for outtings, etc.

This was an easy decision (on my part) but not the easiest of conversations to have. But it went surprisingly well. They both respected the outcome and were very gracious in their acceptance.