Maintaining Independence

Most every adult wants to be or at least feel independent. This is especially true when we get older. In an ideal and perfect world (like in our dreams or perhaps in an old episode of FATHER KNOWS BEST or the DONNA REED SHOW - I know....I am dating myself.) we would all grow old not only gracefully but without pain, bad health or anything. And, when it was our time "to go" we would simply go to "sleep" and go off to heaven. But, alas, we do not live in a perfect world.

Growing older means (possibly) dealing with new challenges and perhaps facing situations we never dreamed and/or do not want to face.

We, as the child, of an aging parent(s) need to be sensitive to where they were, where they, where they hope to be and where they will or might be. We need to remember when we were teenagers (well our parents told us all of those years up to our teen years but once we became teens suddenly parents sometimes became the "enemy") and our parents told us what we could and could not do. There were times we did not like it (and them) and times we did or wanted to rebel. Well, our aging parents sometimes have similar feelings.

We need to take THEIR feelings into consideration when making decisions WITH (for) them. Whenever possible make decisions WITH them; with THEIR input. Or at least let them feel you are. There might be times when YOU clearly have to make THEIR decisions for them but try not to make them feel anything less than good.

The ideal goal is to keep your parents at home as long as possible if not forever (until their passing). Sometimes this is possible with some modifications and sometimes it is not or it is possible but not as a permanent solution.

Along with your parents and your local Geriatric Clinic, if available, evaluate your parents living environment. (NOTE: we were extremely lucky to have the caring support from the Geriatric Clinic at UNC.) Evaluations should include several aspects: Can they move around the house easily without obstacles? If there are obstacles, can they be eliminated or improved? Can they easily get in and out of the house? their bed? the shower/tub? the car? etc.? Can motivations be made? Are necessary items easily accessible? - such as foods in the refrig., freezer, cabinets, etc.? Can those items be moved up higher or lower OR moved to another location? Think about way to help keep your parents as independent and as safe as possible. Remember when your baby was beginning to crawl or walk and you got down on their level to see what needed to be moved or locked up? Well, this is similar. Try to put yourself in their place.

Examples of modifications made for my parents: My brother bought some metal bars and bent them to go under the mattress (between the mattress and boxspring) to be used as grab bars to help our parents get in and out of bed. This was so helpful. He removed or modified door jams to allow a walker, wheelchair or cane to be used to get from one remove to another. Grab bars were installed in the shower/tub and near the toilets. A rolling cart with shelves was placed in the keep to include things needed for every day or frequent use - medications (Note: using a weekly medicine storage keeper helps to insure that the proper medication at the proper dosage is being taken at the proper time on the proper date. The container needs to be filled once a week.); mail; stationery, stamps, pens, etc....... On their cart, they had their pill bottles in basket (easily accessible when it was time to refill the weekly medicine keeper) on one shelve; stationery, etc. on another; an extra box of tissues on another. They were able to sit at the kitchen table a pull the cart closer to them when needed and easily pushed back out of the way when not needed.

I will probably remember more modifications later on but these are a few that helped my parents remain a bit more independent for a bit longer while maintaining their pride. They had some CONTROL over their lives.